if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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