pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
