did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.