Texts From Last Night

JV33's Favorites Texts:

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  (254): View more from Texas

  oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick

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  (254): oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick http://tfl.nu/vqpx
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  (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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  (510): Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day. http://tfl.nu/kbev
  Replies (7) Good night (1307) Bad night (2526) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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  (480): I think this baby is eyeing my beer http://tfl.nu/6ms6
  Replies (13) Good night (4904) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.

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  (703): She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning. http://tfl.nu/a0no
  Replies (8) Good night (3526) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far

  (713): View more from Texas

  Sounds better than last semester

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  (214): So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far (713): Sounds better than last semester http://tfl.nu/9h5w
  Replies (12) Good night (1469) Bad night (4454)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.

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  (401): All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it. http://tfl.nu/0ldz
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  (512): View more from Texas

  the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

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  (512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106
  Replies (14) Good night (2422) Bad night (4372) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

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  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (3059) Bad night (8390) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

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  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11514) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

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  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4984) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again

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  (906): I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again http://tfl.nu/daze
  Replies (83) Good night (577) Bad night (3136)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
  Replies (17) Good night (6898) Bad night (1644) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...

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  (701): Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty... http://tfl.nu/qvnt
  Replies (18) Good night (5422) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

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  (630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors. http://tfl.nu/ipmp
  Replies (36) Good night (2490) Bad night (5449) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

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  (208): How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles? http://tfl.nu/g9w4
  Replies (30) Good night (3683) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

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  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (11674) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  you should give me head with plastic fangs in

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  (618): you should give me head with plastic fangs in http://tfl.nu/ku60
  Replies (59) Good night (2159) Bad night (8584) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

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  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9679) Bad night (1507) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

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  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
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  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

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  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2186) Bad night (4480) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10682) Bad night (1195)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

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  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4996) Bad night (3297)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

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  (503): do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/q9ps
  Replies (37) Good night (8520) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.

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  (614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia. http://tfl.nu/rank
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

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  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (929) Bad night (8610) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (1906) Bad night (6679) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.

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  (310): If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/b0h6
  Replies (19) Good night (4595) Bad night (1899) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!

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  (413): apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be! http://tfl.nu/gcwe
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  (516): View more from New York

  ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?

  (585): View more from New York

  hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that

  (516): View more from New York

  is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?

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  (516): ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year? (585): hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that (516): is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ? http://tfl.nu/juy6
  Replies (139) Good night (7665) Bad night (1077)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

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  (413): i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo http://tfl.nu/a19q
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14649) Bad night (1666)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

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  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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  (971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc
  Replies (57) Good night (1582) Bad night (20658) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?

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  (541): In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it? http://tfl.nu/ati9
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  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me

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  (773): im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me http://tfl.nu/r5gz
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  (530): View more from California

  If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.

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  (530): If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed. http://tfl.nu/4web
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it

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  (985): I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it http://tfl.nu/iwz3
  Replies (10) Good night (3311) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

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  (508): Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face" (774): To a 70 year old lady?! http://tfl.nu/99j2
  Replies (20) Good night (4811) Bad night (1895)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

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  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

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  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10069) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

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  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (3187) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

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  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8865) Bad night (1001)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

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  (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that. http://tfl.nu/304s
  Replies (89) Good night (13757) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  well if you came here i would keep you awake :*

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay

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  (303): well if you came here i would keep you awake :* (1-303): did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay http://tfl.nu/u4mn
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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  (208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (809) Bad night (3451) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?

  (619): View more from California

  hahahahahahahahahahaha

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  (949): Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth? (619): hahahahahahahahahahaha http://tfl.nu/hwol
  Replies (45) Good night (3199) Bad night (915)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?

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  (602): I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans? http://tfl.nu/zjae
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

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  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
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  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

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  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

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  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
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  (914): View more from New York

  ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol

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  (914): ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol http://tfl.nu/wxs2
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

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  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

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  (814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE

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  (904): He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE http://tfl.nu/khu1
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.

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  (204): Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever. http://tfl.nu/wklp
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.

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  (541): This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors. http://tfl.nu/qolh
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  What the fuck?

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  (406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

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  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
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