Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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