Texts From Last Night

Gotgunner's Favorites Texts:

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?

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  (214): Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece? http://tfl.nu/qvgx
  Replies (8) Good night (1194) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

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  (919): Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed. http://tfl.nu/csse
  Replies (9) Good night (2988) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker

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  (208): the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker http://tfl.nu/9orb
  Replies (6) Good night (1848) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.

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  (702): Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home. http://tfl.nu/nbuo
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (2767) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

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  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3285) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".

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  (732): hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals". http://tfl.nu/oep3
  Replies (16) Good night (3515) Bad night (1042)
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  (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

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  (631): My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud http://tfl.nu/p0vi
  Replies (44) Good night (1216) Bad night (18046) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44043) Bad night (1351)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

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  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39425) Bad night (2263)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48987) Bad night (1509)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

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  (770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1
  Replies (9) Good night (2942) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

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  (727): there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning. http://tfl.nu/6rsw
  Replies (17) Good night (3527) Bad night (1534) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

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  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (19) Good night (8709) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.

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  (269): Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it. http://tfl.nu/0nwk
  Replies (17) Good night (704) Bad night (2360) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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  (662): The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/s3lv
  Replies (7) Good night (2750) Bad night (636)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?

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  (519): Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator? http://tfl.nu/y95u
  Replies (35) Good night (6276) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (+03): View more from

  Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'

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  (+03): Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here' http://tfl.nu/86hi
  Replies (14) Good night (6141) Bad night (1057)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

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  (204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/3z7i
  Replies (20) Good night (4111) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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  (770): How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden http://tfl.nu/1f55
  Replies (10) Good night (3583) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5330) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

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  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5224) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers

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  (716): I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers http://tfl.nu/1krf
  Replies (12) Good night (3668) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers

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  (724): Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers http://tfl.nu/1uct
  Replies (26) Good night (7182) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?

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  (310): Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life? http://tfl.nu/un84
  Replies (4) Good night (2758) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

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  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3435) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.

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  (541): Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in. http://tfl.nu/jhqc
  Replies (7) Good night (3607) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

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  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5183) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

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  (262): we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat. http://tfl.nu/5cls
  Replies (5) Good night (5242) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

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  (919): I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process. (1-919): Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/dsex
  Replies (3) Good night (4047) Bad night (602)
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  (310): View more from California

  Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.

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  (310): Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention. http://tfl.nu/i2tc
  Replies (17) Good night (2483) Bad night (4049)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand

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  (816): I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand http://tfl.nu/mvpq
  Replies (10) Good night (1932) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.

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  (203): Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina. http://tfl.nu/y3xd
  Replies (19) Good night (7036) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.

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  (503): we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food. http://tfl.nu/i6sw
  Replies (14) Good night (3589) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
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  (424): View more from California

  he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety

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  (424): he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety http://tfl.nu/36fw
  Replies (12) Good night (3209) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.

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  (513): I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered. http://tfl.nu/5t2g
  Replies (15) Good night (3733) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

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  (541): dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room http://tfl.nu/exa4
  Replies (15) Good night (3659) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

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  (479): When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/83jv
  Replies (16) Good night (5870) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (5592) Bad night (1613) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.

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  (605): He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/s2q9
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (5421) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom

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  (207): you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/am8n
  Replies (11) Good night (5036) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.

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  (850): We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival. http://tfl.nu/h8q9
  Replies (2) Good night (2367) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

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  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
  Replies (14) Good night (7390) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.

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  (815): I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man. http://tfl.nu/ripg
  Replies (11) Good night (5070) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

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  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (20) Good night (13842) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

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  (414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y
  Replies (5) Good night (4416) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

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  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3606) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener

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  (970): she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener http://tfl.nu/dutw
  Replies (6) Good night (2282) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

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  (703): No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/2s4x
  Replies (10) Good night (6349) Bad night (655)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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  (905): ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care http://tfl.nu/hm11
  Replies (13) Good night (2671) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor

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  (707): I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/hlsl
  Replies (11) Good night (4310) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

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  (918): Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR http://tfl.nu/fkjm
  Replies (21) Good night (4108) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

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  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (767) Good night (6466) Bad night (106502) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.

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  (814): He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well. http://tfl.nu/fer2
  Replies (13) Good night (2229) Bad night (3674) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

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  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (9606) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (5741) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

  (951): View more from California

  u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

  (661): View more from California

  i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

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  (661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary
  Replies (40) Good night (7614) Bad night (482)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.

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  (720): the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom. http://tfl.nu/h1iv
  Replies (13) Good night (603) Bad night (3074) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161222) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

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  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (6864) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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  (219): I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry http://tfl.nu/lrp2
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

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  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.

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  (217): i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan. http://tfl.nu/dige
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice

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  (443): we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice http://tfl.nu/hzcq
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me

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  (617): She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me http://tfl.nu/lf37
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.

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  (603): She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying. http://tfl.nu/6631
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water

  (425): View more from Washington

  Legs for days

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Harpoon that

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  (425): Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water (425): Legs for days (1-425): Harpoon that http://tfl.nu/z0dx
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"

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  (678): I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute" http://tfl.nu/6gqy
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