Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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