Texts From Last Night

nosoupferyew's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9480) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity. http://tfl.nu/th3j
  Replies (24) Good night (6954) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7721) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock? http://tfl.nu/twxe
  Replies (5) Good night (4679) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7783) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

  (420): View more from

  I'll be there in 10 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I have another pimple on my ass cheek. (420): I'll be there in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/3vda
  Replies (25) Good night (818) Bad night (7656)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house http://tfl.nu/8rln
  Replies (17) Good night (696) Bad night (4973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (19412) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card http://tfl.nu/wy4z
  Replies (19) Good night (5486) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him. http://tfl.nu/u51w
  Replies (23) Good night (6920) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6510) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now http://tfl.nu/8cl1
  Replies (9) Good night (1213) Bad night (4294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on. http://tfl.nu/m36i
  Replies (16) Good night (988) Bad night (4868)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
  Replies (73) Good night (1114) Bad night (12280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo??? http://tfl.nu/k6yj
  Replies (22) Good night (847) Bad night (4706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (707) Bad night (5584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (6711) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes" http://tfl.nu/m7wu
  Replies (13) Good night (7299) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf
  Replies (35) Good night (7254) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed. http://tfl.nu/2aby
  Replies (13) Good night (4501) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes http://tfl.nu/3pbg
  Replies (10) Good night (999) Bad night (3281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later http://tfl.nu/x9e9
  Replies (9) Good night (6018) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well http://tfl.nu/14t6
  Replies (7) Good night (4209) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7277) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer http://tfl.nu/pfui
  Replies (16) Good night (5305) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
  Replies (12) Good night (2047) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (14621) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8. http://tfl.nu/h2aq
  Replies (17) Good night (7949) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7491) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q
  Replies (14) Good night (5601) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time. http://tfl.nu/fvgl
  Replies (13) Good night (6023) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse. http://tfl.nu/tvyi
  Replies (19) Good night (3418) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (3908) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive. http://tfl.nu/x0bv
  Replies (3) Good night (3476) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys. http://tfl.nu/rsgm
  Replies (6) Good night (3865) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/9qb1
  Replies (17) Good night (815) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (4915) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night http://tfl.nu/r09y
  Replies (9) Good night (4681) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life. http://tfl.nu/wgtn
  Replies (32) Good night (855) Bad night (5391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work. http://tfl.nu/vgtk
  Replies (12) Good night (761) Bad night (4821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches. http://tfl.nu/uy09
  Replies (29) Good night (9429) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (11524) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (5952) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight http://tfl.nu/5bl0
  Replies (11) Good night (3943) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night. http://tfl.nu/upkg
  Replies (24) Good night (10064) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (2998) Bad night (5562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (64) Good night (24094) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again http://tfl.nu/ofmm
  Replies (37) Good night (7208) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms http://tfl.nu/zv9q
  Replies (6) Good night (661) Bad night (3585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night http://tfl.nu/kb2l
  Replies (5) Good night (3911) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. http://tfl.nu/sdp2
  Replies (8) Good night (4951) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11780) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans http://tfl.nu/zwc8
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (3354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?' http://tfl.nu/xaro
  Replies (17) Good night (842) Bad night (6065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing" http://tfl.nu/jpe9
  Replies (6) Good night (950) Bad night (3308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game. http://tfl.nu/3l6w
  Replies (9) Good night (4645) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right? http://tfl.nu/9j2v
  Replies (37) Good night (7218) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in. http://tfl.nu/itcs
  Replies (34) Good night (1694) Bad night (4913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka. http://tfl.nu/zb0y
  Replies (10) Good night (5586) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it http://tfl.nu/sdds
  Replies (13) Good night (5388) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk. http://tfl.nu/s5cc
  Replies (15) Good night (5906) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels http://tfl.nu/84kp
  Replies (16) Good night (981) Bad night (5094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time http://tfl.nu/thrg
  Replies (17) Good night (1899) Bad night (2806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
  Replies (39) Good night (7407) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (10761) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast. http://tfl.nu/8b17
  Replies (11) Good night (5046) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/n34k
  Replies (6) Good night (3038) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
  Replies (28) Good night (4733) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt