Texts From Last Night

cortiecrayola's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (1875) Bad night (13103)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (1662) Bad night (13474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14476)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (143) Good night (5998) Bad night (67486)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself http://tfl.nu/rqfe
  Replies (29) Good night (1856) Bad night (4006)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp
  Replies (15) Good night (1832) Bad night (4108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years. http://tfl.nu/s9g1
  Replies (8) Good night (802) Bad night (4749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (837) Bad night (5123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n
  Replies (25) Good night (1393) Bad night (4912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/352a
  Replies (25) Good night (951) Bad night (4847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...? (1-386): Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge. http://tfl.nu/modl
  Replies (31) Good night (2431) Bad night (5100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1448) Bad night (5394)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife. http://tfl.nu/kzgo
  Replies (5) Good night (1288) Bad night (5528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me. http://tfl.nu/a0xa
  Replies (19) Good night (2060) Bad night (5637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz
  Replies (17) Good night (837) Bad night (5772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (874) Bad night (6006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life http://tfl.nu/2ek4
  Replies (10) Good night (626) Bad night (5781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B. http://tfl.nu/8gac
  Replies (22) Good night (809) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them. http://tfl.nu/l7o1
  Replies (20) Good night (980) Bad night (5746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf. http://tfl.nu/hkre
  Replies (62) Good night (1336) Bad night (5862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl http://tfl.nu/ed1u
  Replies (24) Good night (688) Bad night (6036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream http://tfl.nu/eta2
  Replies (28) Good night (2328) Bad night (6667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99... http://tfl.nu/p4eu
  Replies (32) Good night (1445) Bad night (6738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (45) Good night (1719) Bad night (7490)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars.... http://tfl.nu/aa23
  Replies (15) Good night (1002) Bad night (7869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8
  Replies (18) Good night (959) Bad night (8430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2327) Bad night (8611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe
  Replies (33) Good night (1446) Bad night (9425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (37) Good night (1651) Bad night (9454)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american http://tfl.nu/02ni
  Replies (191) Good night (2643) Bad night (14802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4310) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1542) Bad night (9531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39829) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial. http://tfl.nu/zbd1
  Replies (8) Good night (914) Bad night (4438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2726) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy." http://tfl.nu/mr96
  Replies (13) Good night (1082) Bad night (3801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it http://tfl.nu/18g9
  Replies (23) Good night (10621) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell. http://tfl.nu/ey83
  Replies (24) Good night (3223) Bad night (2526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative http://tfl.nu/7tsg
  Replies (15) Good night (904) Bad night (5354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final http://tfl.nu/3a2h
  Replies (11) Good night (4965) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable

  (818): View more from California

  Freshman in high school? Just your type

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable (818): Freshman in high school? Just your type http://tfl.nu/e4aq
  Replies (2) Good night (1259) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1024) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1051) Bad night (5244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (212) Good night (32241) Bad night (1958)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.

  (719): View more from Colorado

  she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  are you serious?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it. (719): she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her. (414): are you serious? http://tfl.nu/esul
  Replies (50) Good night (885) Bad night (18496)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Did u at least say sorry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet. (908): Did u at least say sorry? http://tfl.nu/m6e4
  Replies (42) Good night (830) Bad night (7884)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you. http://tfl.nu/kclk
  Replies (26) Good night (786) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt
  Replies (38) Good night (5605) Bad night (1380)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
  Replies (53) Good night (10135) Bad night (1444)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut." http://tfl.nu/bhgh
  Replies (13) Good night (4092) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck????? http://tfl.nu/jm2n
  Replies (8) Good night (758) Bad night (4478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0
  Replies (46) Good night (2154) Bad night (12692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me (1-425): Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about. http://tfl.nu/mflc
  Replies (39) Good night (2131) Bad night (4616) Order T-Shirt