Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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