You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
bring money and cleavage
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I intend to get homeless drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon