Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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