I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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