Texts From Last Night

donnym4133's Favorites Texts:

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...

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  (248): See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts... http://tfl.nu/yx0v
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.

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  (319): Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock. http://tfl.nu/6tse
  Replies (15) Good night (1341) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31289) Bad night (994)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

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  (740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s
  Replies (22) Good night (497) Bad night (4916)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?

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  (412): The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce? http://tfl.nu/j2ba
  Replies (26) Good night (3775) Bad night (338)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.

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  (906): Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think. http://tfl.nu/xmje
  Replies (7) Good night (1078) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.

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  (205): I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos. http://tfl.nu/nbvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1537) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.

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  (815): My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time. http://tfl.nu/dmh2
  Replies (9) Good night (2301) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

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  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (1728) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.

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  (518): I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down. http://tfl.nu/m8at
  Replies (18) Good night (2343) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.

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  (941): I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head. http://tfl.nu/zqfr
  Replies (4) Good night (994) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"

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  (801): Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night" http://tfl.nu/sbyz
  Replies (7) Good night (1505) Bad night (307)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.

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  (314): You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you. http://tfl.nu/pksa
  Replies (6) Good night (4211) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

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  (336): You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch http://tfl.nu/vf66
  Replies (3) Good night (2052) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2346) Bad night (370)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year

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  (250): Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year http://tfl.nu/1qcg
  Replies (1) Good night (2007) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.

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  (971): You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified. http://tfl.nu/imja
  Replies (11) Good night (485) Bad night (1610) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety

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  (408): She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety http://tfl.nu/edsh
  Replies (10) Good night (2930) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.

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  (317): Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina. http://tfl.nu/djvg
  Replies (7) Good night (2355) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.

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  (216): Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself. http://tfl.nu/3gaw
  Replies (45) Good night (2006) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"

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  (770): After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me" http://tfl.nu/acul
  Replies (22) Good night (3023) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do what your heart wants. . .

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis

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  (901): Do what your heart wants. . . (504): My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis http://tfl.nu/o9fm
  Replies (7) Good night (2181) Bad night (519)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

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  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
  Replies (13) Good night (3560) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org

  (516): View more from New York

  .org?

  (631): View more from New York

  yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.

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  (631): if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org (516): .org? (631): yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night. http://tfl.nu/4hpr
  Replies (8) Good night (2418) Bad night (349)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.

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  (330): After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator. http://tfl.nu/loee
  Replies (5) Good night (1352) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas

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  (559): I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas http://tfl.nu/6rrb
  Replies (9) Good night (1855) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

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  (859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx
  Replies (10) Good night (2390) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.

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  (603): Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic. http://tfl.nu/b5pl
  Replies (2) Good night (1558) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

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  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (5434) Bad night (421)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

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  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
  Replies (18) Good night (3412) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

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  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7394) Bad night (511)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6160) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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  (414): I just Tebowed the shit out of her. (336): Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb. http://tfl.nu/wxei
  Replies (10) Good night (1879) Bad night (437)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.

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  (815): I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn. http://tfl.nu/iw95
  Replies (1) Good night (1298) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96131) Bad night (5008)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2302) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!

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  (607): I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud! http://tfl.nu/toc7
  Replies (7) Good night (3727) Bad night (463)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.

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  (301): Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable. (201): I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around. http://tfl.nu/syx6
  Replies (44) Good night (3906) Bad night (484)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

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  (404): I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up. (812): I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls? http://tfl.nu/pl92
  Replies (25) Good night (13422) Bad night (491)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

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  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
  Replies (70) Good night (18370) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.

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  (856): Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws. http://tfl.nu/oz69
  Replies (16) Good night (1850) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."

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  (585): He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry." http://tfl.nu/vnva
  Replies (25) Good night (1525) Bad night (341)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy

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  (443): We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy http://tfl.nu/feuw
  Replies (14) Good night (1704) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Challenge accepted. See you in hell.

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  (662): Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month. (662): Challenge accepted. See you in hell. http://tfl.nu/tj98
  Replies (27) Good night (6394) Bad night (484)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

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  (508): $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me. http://tfl.nu/si9y
  Replies (16) Good night (2139) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.

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  (253): they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest. http://tfl.nu/yx0q
  Replies (19) Good night (3499) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

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  (847): Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over? (312): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/ubhn
  Replies (18) Good night (4088) Bad night (881)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  details?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  alcohol + bed + penis = sex

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  (920): i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir (952): details? (920): alcohol + bed + penis = sex http://tfl.nu/7qj6
  Replies (28) Good night (2580) Bad night (574)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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  (+44): That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard. http://tfl.nu/cdhm
  Replies (19) Good night (4409) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt