Texts From Last Night

Jjhamon's Favorites Texts:

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

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  (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv
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  (562): View more from California

  omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

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  (562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever. http://tfl.nu/2p77
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

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  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (101) Good night (30531) Bad night (4723) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

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  (903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later http://tfl.nu/a1zy
  Replies (19) Good night (8458) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.

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  (402): She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time. http://tfl.nu/nker
  Replies (9) Good night (4920) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

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  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12267) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

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  (517): My own mom unfriended me on Facebook. http://tfl.nu/a468
  Replies (68) Good night (3735) Bad night (11291) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7503) Bad night (72137)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20173) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86066) Bad night (8376)
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14364) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

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  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2747) Bad night (6855) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

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  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1265) Bad night (5980) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

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  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6268) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  People still let you watch their kids?

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  (970): I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer. (1-970): People still let you watch their kids? http://tfl.nu/8t1p
  Replies (18) Good night (5954) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

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  (769): she said she likes her vagina punished (1-769): being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough http://tfl.nu/ts79
  Replies (35) Good night (1627) Bad night (6950) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86444) Bad night (7098)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

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  (312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies (815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more. http://tfl.nu/camm
  Replies (13) Good night (804) Bad night (1728)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51230) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I should injure you considerably.

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  (847): And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so. (1-847): I should injure you considerably. http://tfl.nu/3r9j
  Replies (86) Good night (3894) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?

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  (216): Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/7r44
  Replies (27) Good night (2340) Bad night (4786) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80181) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.

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  (317): I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best. http://tfl.nu/9ej5
  Replies (32) Good night (2764) Bad night (3061) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  i can respect that.

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  (404): on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you. (1-404): i can respect that. http://tfl.nu/fvjd
  Replies (14) Good night (4805) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Honestly, what else do I have going for me?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  You make a valid point.

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  (216): Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets. (440): Honestly, what else do I have going for me? (216): You make a valid point. http://tfl.nu/ba8r
  Replies (22) Good night (1537) Bad night (3641)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

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  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128379) Bad night (4043) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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  (952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9
  Replies (38) Good night (7552) Bad night (617)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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  (240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx
  Replies (30) Good night (5568) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.

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  (817): Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed. http://tfl.nu/4b3z
  Replies (24) Good night (3647) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

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  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6507) Bad night (671)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14891) Bad night (737)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

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  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
  Replies (59) Good night (5070) Bad night (4628) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude she let me cum on her face

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning

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  (843): Dude she let me cum on her face (1-843): You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning http://tfl.nu/f5g3
  Replies (116) Good night (3294) Bad night (10129)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

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  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9397) Bad night (910)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (8826) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...

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  (479): even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit... http://tfl.nu/fzja
  Replies (60) Good night (4506) Bad night (1523) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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  (508): dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced. http://tfl.nu/9kh7
  Replies (23) Good night (820) Bad night (8567) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent

  (770): View more from Georgia

  don't you ever do that...

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  (404): i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent (770): don't you ever do that... http://tfl.nu/61yw
  Replies (29) Good night (4409) Bad night (820)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (11162) Bad night (923)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

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  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6632) Bad night (1454) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (16538) Bad night (1190)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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  (401): so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator http://tfl.nu/bvrd
  Replies (42) Good night (707) Bad night (7118) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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  (617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z
  Replies (61) Good night (986) Bad night (5485) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (5002) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?

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  (617): Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness? http://tfl.nu/575t
  Replies (18) Good night (5526) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

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  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (46) Good night (20357) Bad night (908)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  whose oscar?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.

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  (203): Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone (1-203): whose oscar? (203): the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month. http://tfl.nu/bpyh
  Replies (29) Good night (8711) Bad night (695)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  so my dad walked in on us having sex

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  lulz really? why?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time

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  (256): so my dad walked in on us having sex (1-256): lulz really? why? (256): lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time http://tfl.nu/805g
  Replies (75) Good night (1415) Bad night (10944)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60839) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt