oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
