there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?