Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and she was petting her beer can
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
