Texts From Last Night

vandal36's Favorites Texts:

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Fuck you.

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  (703): I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right? (571): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jxij
  Replies (13) Good night (4139) Bad night (1743)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

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  (917): He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now http://tfl.nu/4db9
  Replies (31) Good night (9451) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

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  (507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b
  Replies (12) Good night (1847) Bad night (2386)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10831) Bad night (1192)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

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  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (872) Bad night (8307) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

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  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (12146) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

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  (518): I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often. http://tfl.nu/3lpk
  Replies (40) Good night (5636) Bad night (1656) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

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  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1949) Bad night (7442) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I swear god or herbie drove my car home

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  (912): I swear god or herbie drove my car home http://tfl.nu/eanl
  Replies (34) Good night (4954) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

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  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2880) Bad night (7732) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

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  (423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. http://tfl.nu/x178
  Replies (345) Good night (2879) Bad night (17275) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

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  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22291) Bad night (1511)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

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  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
  Replies (9) Good night (7398) Bad night (904)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (41) Good night (9267) Bad night (3168) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

  (562): View more from California

  You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

  (714): View more from California

  Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

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  (714): Hahaha you puked all over his shirt. (562): You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch. (714): Well someones bitter they didn't get any. http://tfl.nu/4mgl
  Replies (20) Good night (5084) Bad night (1262)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.

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  (256): I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources. http://tfl.nu/m7l9
  Replies (28) Good night (3637) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2

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  (804): my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2 http://tfl.nu/hna9
  Replies (9) Good night (1377) Bad night (2860) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap

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  (415): i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap http://tfl.nu/bmh2
  Replies (13) Good night (1246) Bad night (5078) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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  (818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux
  Replies (14) Good night (5327) Bad night (1044)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

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  (907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb
  Replies (29) Good night (4245) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it

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  (973): So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it http://tfl.nu/ct20
  Replies (29) Good night (5168) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2230) Bad night (35647) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

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  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6921) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

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  (570): i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something http://tfl.nu/ax1a
  Replies (28) Good night (7494) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

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  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5641) Bad night (857)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

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  (703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f
  Replies (21) Good night (5915) Bad night (1691) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.

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  (716): Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public. http://tfl.nu/lwyj
  Replies (16) Good night (1366) Bad night (3475) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

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  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12518) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1605) Bad night (8594) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

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  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
  Replies (36) Good night (1602) Bad night (9229) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

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  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6309) Bad night (11937)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

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  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3951) Bad night (78176)
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  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

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  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6358) Bad night (79712) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

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  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (32) Good night (16976) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (87) Good night (14303) Bad night (2663) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

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  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (70) Good night (13016) Bad night (5279)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

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  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (22) Good night (14667) Bad night (1069)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

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  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (51) Good night (17101) Bad night (1384)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86430) Bad night (7094)
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  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90204) Bad night (3863) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127057) Bad night (2828) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

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  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128362) Bad night (4039) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116768) Bad night (3272) Order T-Shirt