Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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