Texts From Last Night

RACER26's Favorites Texts:

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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  (412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo
  Replies (9) Good night (1897) Bad night (471)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

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  (440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun
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  (546): View more from

  Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

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  (546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. http://tfl.nu/o990
  Replies (65) Good night (2458) Bad night (340)
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  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5750) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26335) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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  (717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t
  Replies (53) Good night (507) Bad night (4488) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.

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  (937): He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face. http://tfl.nu/s86z
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

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  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (13930) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7279) Bad night (583)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

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  (717): If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one... http://tfl.nu/slb8
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.

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  (910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works. http://tfl.nu/uib3
  Replies (45) Good night (5465) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52340) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.

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  (502): oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us. http://tfl.nu/ayu5
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41851) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"

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  (608): and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM" http://tfl.nu/3pco
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

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  (757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby http://tfl.nu/8o91
  Replies (87) Good night (10244) Bad night (1621) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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  (864): A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier! http://tfl.nu/9qgj
  Replies (107) Good night (1695) Bad night (5399) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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  (214): call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight http://tfl.nu/wfsk
  Replies (75) Good night (7035) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it

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  (937): Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it http://tfl.nu/4nim
  Replies (39) Good night (599) Bad night (2441) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

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  (918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning.. http://tfl.nu/cvhe
  Replies (39) Good night (6945) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

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  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1650) Bad night (7559) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

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  (307): if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself. http://tfl.nu/s9we
  Replies (64) Good night (1675) Bad night (4550) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

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  (817): i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side http://tfl.nu/uejy
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

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  (785): Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/cv1z
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.

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  (270): Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high. http://tfl.nu/tn40
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.

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  (717): Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag. http://tfl.nu/8k5h
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

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  (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm
  Replies (47) Good night (13669) Bad night (1418)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.

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  (816): If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance. http://tfl.nu/qptg
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  (432): View more from Texas

  So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

  (207): View more from Maine

  You need to stop watching Twilight.

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  (432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp
  Replies (48) Good night (877) Bad night (1143)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

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  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

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  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20558) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.

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  (902): He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock. http://tfl.nu/ce76
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  of course. lets lasso hookers.

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  (860): of course. lets lasso hookers. http://tfl.nu/i5g9
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  (516): View more from New York

  On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Strong 6

  (516): View more from New York

  That's an oxymoron.

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  (516): On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck? (201): Strong 6 (516): That's an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/n45n
  Replies (32) Good night (1065) Bad night (4061)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Party in the USA is so catchy!

  (863): View more from Florida

  Yea, so is AIDS.

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  (305): Party in the USA is so catchy! (863): Yea, so is AIDS. http://tfl.nu/nzzd
  Replies (86) Good night (10938) Bad night (1616)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36751) Bad night (1051)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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  (301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you. http://tfl.nu/0isu
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.

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  (267): Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids. http://tfl.nu/vgjd
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her

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  (270): I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her http://tfl.nu/ank1
  Replies (53) Good night (1100) Bad night (5534) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

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  (270): Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house? http://tfl.nu/tnd3
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  (845): View more from New York

  I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing

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  (845): I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing http://tfl.nu/4411
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again

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  (740): There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again http://tfl.nu/gd8v
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex

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  (864): bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex http://tfl.nu/q1ec
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  (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

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  (818): This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate. http://tfl.nu/k2b3
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16061) Bad night (762)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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  (936): I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway". http://tfl.nu/2ye8
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

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  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60320) Bad night (3668)
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  (858): View more from California

  we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

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  (858): we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. http://tfl.nu/kkl3
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.

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  (541): No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed. http://tfl.nu/54wn
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