thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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