Texts From Last Night

sassydoc9's Favorites Texts:

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck

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  (401): you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck http://tfl.nu/4wd4
  Replies (28) Good night (5690) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on

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  (925): i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on http://tfl.nu/khmy
  Replies (8) Good night (4139) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.

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  (908): it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season. http://tfl.nu/4nsl
  Replies (23) Good night (1416) Bad night (3720) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

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  (619): Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning. (1-619): i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth! http://tfl.nu/6amj
  Replies (9) Good night (1413) Bad night (411)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

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  (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore http://tfl.nu/b6gx
  Replies (14) Good night (3634) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings

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  (901): oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass (901): fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings http://tfl.nu/b0u6
  Replies (118) Good night (4257) Bad night (1255)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

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  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1719) Bad night (10738)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.

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  (314): I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old. http://tfl.nu/qc6x
  Replies (19) Good night (579) Bad night (5478) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.

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  (616): If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet. http://tfl.nu/k138
  Replies (12) Good night (793) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  that's Oklahoma for you

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  (405): I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view (1-405): that's Oklahoma for you http://tfl.nu/8v2d
  Replies (11) Good night (442) Bad night (1852) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (7865) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14649) Bad night (1666)
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  (315): View more from New York

  playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps

  (315): View more from New York

  warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey

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  (315): playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps (315): warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey http://tfl.nu/dgn3
  Replies (86) Good night (3827) Bad night (465)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

  (360): View more from Washington

  At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

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  (206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb
  Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (2124)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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  (202): i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left. http://tfl.nu/4tq4
  Replies (10) Good night (889) Bad night (2456) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"

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  (503): I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it" http://tfl.nu/ynj0
  Replies (13) Good night (3058) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2172) Bad night (4367)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.

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  (416): It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed. http://tfl.nu/yc3l
  Replies (19) Good night (854) Bad night (2631) Order T-Shirt
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  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9855) Bad night (722)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  hot girl, 5 o clock

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  do you know how to read a clock?

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  (630): hot girl, 5 o clock (1-630): do you know how to read a clock? http://tfl.nu/x1wt
  Replies (17) Good night (1304) Bad night (2846) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

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  (205): i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL! http://tfl.nu/gtw6
  Replies (92) Good night (1771) Bad night (4263) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

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  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (6191) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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  (301): Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up. http://tfl.nu/txq5
  Replies (13) Good night (2717) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.

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  (305): If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls. http://tfl.nu/m95d
  Replies (8) Good night (5662) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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  (646): My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play... http://tfl.nu/zidw
  Replies (17) Good night (1379) Bad night (4041) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

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  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10740) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

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  (925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back. http://tfl.nu/vsft
  Replies (22) Good night (509) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

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  (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/tunm
  Replies (45) Good night (1362) Bad night (4893) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick

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  (614): He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick http://tfl.nu/nn0g
  Replies (19) Good night (883) Bad night (4086) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  we live in such a classy society.

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  (630): just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead. (815): we live in such a classy society. http://tfl.nu/glf0
  Replies (25) Good night (5504) Bad night (1026)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  farters have to be the big spoon...

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  (913): farters have to be the big spoon... http://tfl.nu/5j3w
  Replies (6) Good night (711) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

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  (903): Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything. http://tfl.nu/euxa
  Replies (9) Good night (5263) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?

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  (972): What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard? http://tfl.nu/a8hs
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity

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  (619): I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity http://tfl.nu/ljia
  Replies (5) Good night (1063) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

  (630): View more from Illinois

  savin' lives aint cheap

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  (973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance?? (630): savin' lives aint cheap http://tfl.nu/eb5j
  Replies (23) Good night (1575) Bad night (486)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

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  (518): He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/ya5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2004) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness

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  (513): did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness http://tfl.nu/hxgt
  Replies (70) Good night (817) Bad night (5467)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6536) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year

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  (203): i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year http://tfl.nu/ku2e
  Replies (58) Good night (8041) Bad night (1746) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe

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  (919): just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe http://tfl.nu/vn8k
  Replies (5) Good night (449) Bad night (3014) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches

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  (412): I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches http://tfl.nu/0tvi
  Replies (6) Good night (3876) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  whore

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  (440): My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum. (216): whore http://tfl.nu/bo5h
  Replies (13) Good night (3887) Bad night (871)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry

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  (484): Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry http://tfl.nu/lyzu
  Replies (127) Good night (5043) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt