he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
