Texts From Last Night

ThisWhiteGuy's Favorites Texts:

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  (216): View more from Ohio

  So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Take that integrity

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  (216): So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever. (1-216): Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment. (216): Take that integrity http://tfl.nu/eyzw
  Replies (48) Good night (2987) Bad night (617)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10287) Bad night (1164)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I love sluts.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I end my prayers with that every single night.

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  (913): I love sluts. (402): I end my prayers with that every single night. http://tfl.nu/8il0
  Replies (8) Good night (3671) Bad night (586)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.

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  (616): No flamethrowers. That is a direct order. http://tfl.nu/o0tj
  Replies (7) Good night (3163) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

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  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6440) Bad night (1313)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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  (630): i would rim the shit out of meg ryan http://tfl.nu/j227
  Replies (23) Good night (865) Bad night (2248) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

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  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3557) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  "We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.

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  (773): Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could. (773): "We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible. (773): I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive. http://tfl.nu/kn2s
  Replies (21) Good night (643) Bad night (1395)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ

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  (503): jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ http://tfl.nu/lpdd
  Replies (44) Good night (615) Bad night (5462)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

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  (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi
  Replies (34) Good night (980) Bad night (2461) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

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  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65502) Bad night (3464)
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  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

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  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (78) Good night (9471) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

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  (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. http://tfl.nu/r77c
  Replies (19) Good night (5010) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7061) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.

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  (757): My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed. http://tfl.nu/rjig
  Replies (28) Good night (568) Bad night (4993)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."

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  (513): she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it." http://tfl.nu/fqo2
  Replies (11) Good night (5864) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ur plase or mine? lol

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.

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  (908): ur plase or mine? lol (1-908): well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine. http://tfl.nu/rmr0
  Replies (12) Good night (1105) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.

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  (913): Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy. (1-913): You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you. http://tfl.nu/j71x
  Replies (26) Good night (2352) Bad night (436)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

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  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5505) Bad night (892)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

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  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10366) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm going to rape that little man

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  omg not your brother

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  (414): i'm going to rape that little man (414): omg not your brother http://tfl.nu/01hx
  Replies (3) Good night (690) Bad night (1247)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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  (214): Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada. http://tfl.nu/cunl
  Replies (200) Good night (7937) Bad night (2481)
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  (650): View more from California

  Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

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  (650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day) http://tfl.nu/fh88
  Replies (40) Good night (1631) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
  Replies (26) Good night (5077) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.

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  (207): no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod. http://tfl.nu/vf6z
  Replies (29) Good night (1329) Bad night (8229) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

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  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
  Replies (83) Good night (11190) Bad night (1765) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

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  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12295) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

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  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1933) Bad night (5373) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.

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  (203): The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar. http://tfl.nu/eecr
  Replies (12) Good night (1057) Bad night (597)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You raise a valid concern

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  (734): Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point. (586): You raise a valid concern http://tfl.nu/k6mm
  Replies (6) Good night (1925) Bad night (2936)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?

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  (902): are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night? http://tfl.nu/v55k
  Replies (7) Good night (2083) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish i could be there for it

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  (413): Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning (1-413): More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub (413): I wish i could be there for it http://tfl.nu/f5kk
  Replies (4) Good night (2264) Bad night (444)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just thought you should know her name is kristen

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  (630): the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me. (630): just thought you should know her name is kristen http://tfl.nu/a2dg
  Replies (18) Good night (5075) Bad night (839)
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  (714): View more from California

  Ikea night.

  (949): View more from California

  ?

  (714): View more from California

  Insert tab A into swedish slot B

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  (714): Ikea night. (949): ? (714): Insert tab A into swedish slot B http://tfl.nu/q7ph
  Replies (19) Good night (4152) Bad night (449)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.

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  (605): and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno. http://tfl.nu/gxse
  Replies (10) Good night (5669) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS

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  (508): so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS http://tfl.nu/purw
  Replies (11) Good night (1274) Bad night (3178) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok i said sorry. what else do you want?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  100 blowjobs

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  (216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want? (740): 100 blowjobs http://tfl.nu/an0u
  Replies (14) Good night (1931) Bad night (511)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

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  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (3011) Bad night (9730) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.

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  (305): so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/ez3t
  Replies (24) Good night (3985) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people

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  (+44): she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people http://tfl.nu/xprr
  Replies (8) Good night (4056) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

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  (318): Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume. http://tfl.nu/rs73
  Replies (31) Good night (4521) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
  Replies (13) Good night (1185) Bad night (3700) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (42) Good night (2142) Bad night (4441) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

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  (505): There is a pube in my fucking eyeball http://tfl.nu/0eb2
  Replies (15) Good night (818) Bad night (5103) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.

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  (602): Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/xjnu
  Replies (15) Good night (6973) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.

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  (337): Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/ao6t
  Replies (30) Good night (9331) Bad night (993)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  you dont

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont

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  (732): shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples (1-732): you dont (732): i dont http://tfl.nu/v78w
  Replies (7) Good night (4584) Bad night (1036)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore

  (209): View more from California

  You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?

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  (574): So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore (209): You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/4y0y
  Replies (20) Good night (1099) Bad night (3852)
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  (209): View more from California

  he laminated a picture of his dick.

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  (209): he laminated a picture of his dick. http://tfl.nu/x5jy
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  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

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  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3579) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt