Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
