i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
