Texts From Last Night

Cekil1's Favorites Texts:

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  (407): View more from Florida

  work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.

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  (407): work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss. http://tfl.nu/700o
  Replies (15) Good night (2324) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever

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  (804): time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever http://tfl.nu/4zua
  Replies (6) Good night (1119) Bad night (311)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.

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  (704): And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control. http://tfl.nu/cnqj
  Replies (17) Good night (1950) Bad night (757)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!

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  (303): Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?! http://tfl.nu/om37
  Replies (23) Good night (2401) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

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  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
  Replies (44) Good night (1246) Bad night (4781)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.

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  (734): If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend. http://tfl.nu/pm1j
  Replies (13) Good night (2793) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.

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  (412): There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever. http://tfl.nu/yvee
  Replies (12) Good night (2750) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!

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  (443): You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously! http://tfl.nu/q8vz
  Replies (9) Good night (1448) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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  (512): He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns". http://tfl.nu/398g
  Replies (12) Good night (2228) Bad night (675)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

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  (810): You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored. http://tfl.nu/wqg4
  Replies (10) Good night (2555) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh God.

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  (919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g
  Replies (20) Good night (4080) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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  (979): There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer. http://tfl.nu/lpls
  Replies (6) Good night (2230) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.

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  (415): You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can. http://tfl.nu/e8s7
  Replies (5) Good night (1444) Bad night (1718) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.

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  (907): If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever. http://tfl.nu/sogf
  Replies (29) Good night (927) Bad night (3511) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4718) Bad night (1580)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  im getting coffee to go get coffee.

  (435): View more from Utah

  Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.

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  (801): im getting coffee to go get coffee. (435): Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level. http://tfl.nu/l6zn
  Replies (2) Good night (3044) Bad night (605)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.

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  (781): She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug. http://tfl.nu/2oj9
  Replies (10) Good night (2339) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.

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  (832): I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella. http://tfl.nu/jiup
  Replies (35) Good night (2733) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50

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  (412): don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50 http://tfl.nu/kftz
  Replies (6) Good night (2391) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.

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  (314): don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again. http://tfl.nu/ygo4
  Replies (19) Good night (627) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?

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  (+61): She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental? http://tfl.nu/sd8n
  Replies (20) Good night (1059) Bad night (2362) Order T-Shirt
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

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  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5391) Bad night (804)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

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  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4588) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

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  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7412) Bad night (1065)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

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  (248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2
  Replies (108) Good night (13213) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

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  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.

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  (505): Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower. http://tfl.nu/q0tv
  Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (2239) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.

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  (208): You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip. http://tfl.nu/pvxn
  Replies (7) Good night (1779) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

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  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (90) Good night (23642) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

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  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (24300) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

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  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (24669) Bad night (2676) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25283) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

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  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25205) Bad night (828)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25090) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

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  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26356) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26335) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136699) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64494) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55353) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49207) Bad night (5110)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (48558) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48646) Bad night (1814)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44043) Bad night (1351)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

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  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42211) Bad night (1636)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38522) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36751) Bad night (1051)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36353) Bad night (2650)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

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  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29310) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26196) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt