My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
