Texts From Last Night

Tha_Danimal's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14541) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (16) Good night (6993) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library http://tfl.nu/04eo
  Replies (22) Good night (5104) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin.. http://tfl.nu/g7eu
  Replies (30) Good night (675) Bad night (8260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl. http://tfl.nu/cxal
  Replies (23) Good night (1156) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle http://tfl.nu/jw9o
  Replies (55) Good night (5042) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (140) Good night (18928) Bad night (2006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha what'd she say

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up (412): haha what'd she say (215): i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF http://tfl.nu/bkrp
  Replies (30) Good night (1886) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4362) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt http://tfl.nu/m43s
  Replies (32) Good night (791) Bad night (5322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (6690) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (933) Bad night (16695)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad http://tfl.nu/156q
  Replies (61) Good night (6798) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone http://tfl.nu/vmc1
  Replies (8) Good night (1125) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in http://tfl.nu/qgu1
  Replies (12) Good night (4633) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea? http://tfl.nu/q7z7
  Replies (44) Good night (3509) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial http://tfl.nu/oypl
  Replies (6) Good night (1261) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He had some in his pocket. That was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon. (937): He had some in his pocket. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/q8lw
  Replies (27) Good night (721) Bad night (4826)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine http://tfl.nu/d7kh
  Replies (12) Good night (626) Bad night (6082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks. http://tfl.nu/s0b7
  Replies (27) Good night (875) Bad night (3740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  only in oregon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking (1-541): only in oregon http://tfl.nu/1bea
  Replies (156) Good night (7067) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you. http://tfl.nu/pv3c
  Replies (9) Good night (7105) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win http://tfl.nu/6ut9
  Replies (43) Good night (448) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it. http://tfl.nu/wugy
  Replies (44) Good night (376) Bad night (4101)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (3754) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (20) Good night (6134) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I just made Jack Daniels snow cones. http://tfl.nu/ca8x
  Replies (22) Good night (7664) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (40) Good night (7985) Bad night (2078)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10510) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11133) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (20) Good night (11346) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14181) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7533) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
  Replies (76) Good night (14661) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins http://tfl.nu/qdth
  Replies (6) Good night (4441) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6237) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too. http://tfl.nu/5j5p
  Replies (19) Good night (1307) Bad night (2665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp
  Replies (13) Good night (4383) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks.... (843): I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one... http://tfl.nu/xuml
  Replies (12) Good night (3709) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8581) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  2.5

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement? (1-740): 2.5 http://tfl.nu/yjjp
  Replies (7) Good night (4113) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps... http://tfl.nu/7lmv
  Replies (15) Good night (2188) Bad night (3974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window http://tfl.nu/1uz3
  Replies (8) Good night (3566) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/8nek
  Replies (11) Good night (2242) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going. http://tfl.nu/mf3d
  Replies (8) Good night (3387) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad. http://tfl.nu/wyhj
  Replies (9) Good night (5498) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556
  Replies (17) Good night (5920) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight. http://tfl.nu/a7yq
  Replies (24) Good night (4895) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  "people in the room" being me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine. (336): "people in the room" being me. http://tfl.nu/hpsj
  Replies (12) Good night (5181) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security. http://tfl.nu/k9qf
  Replies (9) Good night (834) Bad night (3051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around... http://tfl.nu/q37r
  Replies (4) Good night (2817) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (21) Good night (5171) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (874) Bad night (6006) Order T-Shirt