So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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