Texts From Last Night

Azrael28966's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

  (1-209): View more from California

  nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all http://tfl.nu/t93h
  Replies (43) Good night (15441) Bad night (1654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came. http://tfl.nu/sa7y
  Replies (30) Good night (7020) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry" http://tfl.nu/cwet
  Replies (39) Good night (7634) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions http://tfl.nu/7b2z
  Replies (14) Good night (2468) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid. http://tfl.nu/gx7i
  Replies (9) Good night (3648) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Little spoons don't ask big questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Little spoons don't ask big questions http://tfl.nu/13tl
  Replies (18) Good night (4247) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4
  Replies (13) Good night (8527) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

  (1-209): View more from California

  the house was on fire??

  (209): View more from California

  shit I thought I told you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff. (1-209): the house was on fire?? (209): shit I thought I told you. http://tfl.nu/gdcx
  Replies (16) Good night (1082) Bad night (5015)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up http://tfl.nu/gsij
  Replies (27) Good night (7384) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
  Replies (99) Good night (1654) Bad night (5496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2489) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (7197) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (9111) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it http://tfl.nu/8zt4
  Replies (15) Good night (7604) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about? http://tfl.nu/blbh
  Replies (30) Good night (3436) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel. http://tfl.nu/jndo
  Replies (56) Good night (8200) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you want to re-phrase that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner (617): you want to re-phrase that? http://tfl.nu/lax1
  Replies (11) Good night (3716) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40140) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59135) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather. http://tfl.nu/j9u3
  Replies (35) Good night (956) Bad night (12542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it. http://tfl.nu/xnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (1000) Bad night (4376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2
  Replies (13) Good night (4559) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (30) Good night (12346) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9698) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
  Replies (62) Good night (7323) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (42) Good night (8173) Bad night (1747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude i fell asleep inside of her

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  thats awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Dude i fell asleep inside of her (1-248): thats awesome http://tfl.nu/98db
  Replies (16) Good night (1609) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm" http://tfl.nu/ynyp
  Replies (64) Good night (6370) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Boobs. All I remember is boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Boobs. All I remember is boobs. http://tfl.nu/ewyu
  Replies (9) Good night (5403) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone http://tfl.nu/koze
  Replies (36) Good night (2466) Bad night (5097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut http://tfl.nu/i4w4
  Replies (21) Good night (4684) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session http://tfl.nu/9nzb
  Replies (111) Good night (1152) Bad night (6692)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table... http://tfl.nu/b55w
  Replies (6) Good night (3537) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit. http://tfl.nu/01u9
  Replies (5) Good night (535) Bad night (3526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed... http://tfl.nu/xlpz
  Replies (120) Good night (1396) Bad night (5092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz
  Replies (24) Good night (7054) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha how do you remember that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  HOW COULD I FORGET?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later. (1-717): Haha how do you remember that? (717): HOW COULD I FORGET?! http://tfl.nu/ylr0
  Replies (39) Good night (5376) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up. (812): I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls? http://tfl.nu/pl92
  Replies (25) Good night (13846) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation http://tfl.nu/uyko
  Replies (106) Good night (5581) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9692) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!" http://tfl.nu/62xo
  Replies (32) Good night (12073) Bad night (1468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up http://tfl.nu/89z7
  Replies (27) Good night (2587) Bad night (4798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (131) Good night (8268) Bad night (23698)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (16910) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked' http://tfl.nu/xvcv
  Replies (39) Good night (611) Bad night (6667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (87) Good night (15801) Bad night (2767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft
  Replies (42) Good night (7784) Bad night (1697)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3573) Bad night (5261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive http://tfl.nu/iqgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1878) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  oh that explains alot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up? (1-702): oh that explains alot. http://tfl.nu/a8xe
  Replies (13) Good night (934) Bad night (4023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future. http://tfl.nu/04uk
  Replies (31) Good night (1614) Bad night (6336)