i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree