Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  six.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh, I thought it was higher.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  No, that would be the Matt's

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  (904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg
  Replies (33) Good night (6391) Bad night (1227)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

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  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9240) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.

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  (484): wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day. http://tfl.nu/pyo4
  Replies (7) Good night (4716) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.

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  (313): Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays. http://tfl.nu/zion
  Replies (11) Good night (753) Bad night (4270) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

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  (208): I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked. http://tfl.nu/g0yc
  Replies (13) Good night (4197) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.

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  (702): i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again. http://tfl.nu/kiui
  Replies (23) Good night (5590) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.

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  (215): distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard. http://tfl.nu/840x
  Replies (36) Good night (3972) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.

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  (517): i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall. http://tfl.nu/lpwz
  Replies (14) Good night (4255) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.

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  (915): You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there. http://tfl.nu/fu8g
  Replies (13) Good night (4135) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal

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  (816): You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal http://tfl.nu/06xx
  Replies (28) Good night (4158) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

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  (918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning.. http://tfl.nu/cvhe
  Replies (39) Good night (6946) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.

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  (432): Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite. http://tfl.nu/cdg2
  Replies (49) Good night (6864) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.

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  (586): We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances. http://tfl.nu/gxxu
  Replies (11) Good night (917) Bad night (3682) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.

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  (519): I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that. http://tfl.nu/jia8
  Replies (110) Good night (14038) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep

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  (519): i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep http://tfl.nu/4gxk
  Replies (54) Good night (7213) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

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  (765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it http://tfl.nu/18g9
  Replies (23) Good night (10621) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell

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  (506): Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell http://tfl.nu/5oyd
  Replies (19) Good night (3691) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

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  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5591) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

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  (239): I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/yxe4
  Replies (60) Good night (5516) Bad night (573)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.

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  (978): we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now. http://tfl.nu/2hw3
  Replies (36) Good night (4145) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6293) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.

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  (650): I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening. http://tfl.nu/kog8
  Replies (18) Good night (5690) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12901) Bad night (4751)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

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  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
  Replies (94) Good night (20247) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early

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  (412): For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early http://tfl.nu/4ftf
  Replies (62) Good night (6667) Bad night (658)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  her facebook's as public as her vagina

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  (803): her facebook's as public as her vagina http://tfl.nu/w3ii
  Replies (43) Good night (2970) Bad night (2316) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...

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  (563): i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes... http://tfl.nu/mlmh
  Replies (28) Good night (4972) Bad night (687)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.

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  (309): i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex. http://tfl.nu/maqt
  Replies (29) Good night (683) Bad night (7162) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...

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  (516): watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball... http://tfl.nu/7xuo
  Replies (26) Good night (6488) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
  Replies (40) Good night (5858) Bad night (899)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

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  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (47) Good night (8088) Bad night (754)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.

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  (303): I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history. http://tfl.nu/d9a3
  Replies (20) Good night (6334) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal

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  (412): I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal http://tfl.nu/ode2
  Replies (66) Good night (1898) Bad night (4243) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We've got ourselves a situation

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  (614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and.... (614): We've got ourselves a situation http://tfl.nu/efwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6849) Bad night (499)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

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  (765): Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud. http://tfl.nu/41vp
  Replies (7) Good night (4312) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.

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  (858): I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast. http://tfl.nu/8lsx
  Replies (31) Good night (4163) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

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  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (23237) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??

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  (203): is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore?? http://tfl.nu/voom
  Replies (42) Good night (846) Bad night (9829) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

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  (817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b
  Replies (33) Good night (1346) Bad night (4650)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

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  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (32) Good night (7786) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (681) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

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  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38089) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

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  (803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba
  Replies (15) Good night (4626) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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  (816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut
  Replies (65) Good night (4925) Bad night (1633) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...

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  (248): Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed... http://tfl.nu/xlpz
  Replies (120) Good night (1251) Bad night (4952) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

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  (843): Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way. http://tfl.nu/hex7
  Replies (23) Good night (5071) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

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  (919): I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011 http://tfl.nu/zxkw
  Replies (53) Good night (5549) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

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  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes

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  (860): I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes http://tfl.nu/kyj9
  Replies (23) Good night (4204) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt