My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
