Texts From Last Night

melazing's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing. http://tfl.nu/vk7w
  Replies (6) Good night (4126) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her. http://tfl.nu/xqm6
  Replies (7) Good night (4599) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8285) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras http://tfl.nu/fw4u
  Replies (11) Good night (2507) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed http://tfl.nu/b36x
  Replies (11) Good night (2529) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days http://tfl.nu/vazm
  Replies (6) Good night (1523) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sv5z
  Replies (4) Good night (1435) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up.... http://tfl.nu/s81o
  Replies (65) Good night (12625) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory. http://tfl.nu/fqts
  Replies (13) Good night (4274) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor http://tfl.nu/d5hx
  Replies (18) Good night (4205) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/p1v5
  Replies (3) Good night (1408) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect. http://tfl.nu/w6ad
  Replies (17) Good night (965) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers. http://tfl.nu/6ciq
  Replies (3) Good night (1120) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip. http://tfl.nu/0cyl
  Replies (7) Good night (1031) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college. http://tfl.nu/sy1r
  Replies (19) Good night (3884) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (889): View more from

  found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (889): found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint. http://tfl.nu/70ee
  Replies (3) Good night (1921) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor? http://tfl.nu/bpu5
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her? http://tfl.nu/iav7
  Replies (14) Good night (4797) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6753) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (5932) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (3988) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures. http://tfl.nu/ybaw
  Replies (13) Good night (3839) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy http://tfl.nu/o6e5
  Replies (7) Good night (2774) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16100) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5263) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked http://tfl.nu/3gae
  Replies (12) Good night (2797) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day. http://tfl.nu/olid
  Replies (23) Good night (4317) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle http://tfl.nu/y8fm
  Replies (9) Good night (3149) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning? http://tfl.nu/o1k1
  Replies (39) Good night (3798) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel http://tfl.nu/o4xc
  Replies (6) Good night (2254) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it? http://tfl.nu/ugmv
  Replies (91) Good night (1796) Bad night (16898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her http://tfl.nu/hb22
  Replies (74) Good night (8563) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table. http://tfl.nu/st2h
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (4578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard http://tfl.nu/bgm2
  Replies (6) Good night (2123) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3181) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable. http://tfl.nu/i02t
  Replies (3) Good night (2593) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  By 8 I mean 9.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And by 9 I mean 10.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8
  Replies (62) Good night (2873) Bad night (4638)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now http://tfl.nu/plpv
  Replies (26) Good night (4858) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one. http://tfl.nu/gflz
  Replies (11) Good night (4597) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me http://tfl.nu/adub
  Replies (6) Good night (3644) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey. http://tfl.nu/4jcm
  Replies (21) Good night (1094) Bad night (2087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (1900) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her http://tfl.nu/aiow
  Replies (36) Good night (1359) Bad night (3972)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears. http://tfl.nu/pc9j
  Replies (11) Good night (2406) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour. http://tfl.nu/8whx
  Replies (16) Good night (4189) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine http://tfl.nu/t8mm
  Replies (21) Good night (3251) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40
  Replies (40) Good night (13497) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs http://tfl.nu/pfpw
  Replies (5) Good night (1059) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion. http://tfl.nu/50jg
  Replies (86) Good night (3037) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb
  Replies (17) Good night (3604) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request http://tfl.nu/jdk4
  Replies (18) Good night (3618) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot. http://tfl.nu/93sx
  Replies (26) Good night (6693) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered. http://tfl.nu/j70b
  Replies (10) Good night (7264) Bad night (753)