I'm going to jail i love you
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
