I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
