It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
