Texts From Last Night

J_Sitruc's Favorites Texts:

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i don't really know how much tequila is too much

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  (815): i don't really know how much tequila is too much http://tfl.nu/p5o7
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  (310): View more from California

  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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  (310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen. http://tfl.nu/puzs
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

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  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12521) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

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  (770): The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding http://tfl.nu/pa6f
  Replies (21) Good night (6880) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.

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  (816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money. http://tfl.nu/foav
  Replies (15) Good night (4721) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.

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  (402): In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck. http://tfl.nu/gl2y
  Replies (7) Good night (3213) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself

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  (401): Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself http://tfl.nu/jjur
  Replies (35) Good night (726) Bad night (3269) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6491) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

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  (760): I wish they had nachos that got you drunk http://tfl.nu/1jvf
  Replies (17) Good night (4329) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.

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  (904): i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night. http://tfl.nu/xd4f
  Replies (22) Good night (6444) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

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  (571): dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest http://tfl.nu/nou3
  Replies (8) Good night (1140) Bad night (1885) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.

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  (906): Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already. http://tfl.nu/ar92
  Replies (12) Good night (3586) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?

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  (701): does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? http://tfl.nu/hd1u
  Replies (56) Good night (6815) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

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  (612): I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk http://tfl.nu/r6qp
  Replies (8) Good night (4530) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

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  (847): No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv. http://tfl.nu/ej96
  Replies (37) Good night (1677) Bad night (4064) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
  Replies (42) Good night (11378) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

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  (402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj
  Replies (28) Good night (5983) Bad night (1608) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

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  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6283) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just snuked. Sneezed and puked

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  (608): I just snuked. Sneezed and puked http://tfl.nu/izkl
  Replies (16) Good night (1065) Bad night (6306) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

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  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12322) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

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  (253): For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard. http://tfl.nu/hy6n
  Replies (10) Good night (6464) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (27477) Bad night (3099) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team

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  (360): Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team http://tfl.nu/lnn4
  Replies (6) Good night (4266) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

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  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (10259) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.

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  (646): My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/3g6q
  Replies (14) Good night (719) Bad night (6141) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.

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  (706): If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america. http://tfl.nu/uk3q
  Replies (28) Good night (1266) Bad night (2486) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I will die if light touches me.

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  (206): I will die if light touches me. http://tfl.nu/jner
  Replies (18) Good night (1137) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations

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  (949): We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations http://tfl.nu/lsw6
  Replies (6) Good night (5460) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.

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  (269): I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck. http://tfl.nu/534s
  Replies (10) Good night (5450) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign

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  (856): I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/u6cw
  Replies (9) Good night (3014) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better

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  (732): note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better http://tfl.nu/x29k
  Replies (29) Good night (734) Bad night (3805) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

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  (617): That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head. http://tfl.nu/g2zg
  Replies (19) Good night (830) Bad night (4420) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

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  (904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale. http://tfl.nu/rt3p
  Replies (12) Good night (4346) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3003) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie

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  (607): I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie http://tfl.nu/m38d
  Replies (7) Good night (1114) Bad night (2168) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6332) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  im six kinds of drunk right now

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  (520): im six kinds of drunk right now http://tfl.nu/4cbw
  Replies (18) Good night (3921) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  It's Friday. Sex?

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  (909): It's Friday. Sex? http://tfl.nu/22he
  Replies (19) Good night (4449) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.

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  (336): I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices. http://tfl.nu/qbzj
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  (619): View more from California

  guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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  (619): guys are not supposed to queef...right? http://tfl.nu/p86m
  Replies (96) Good night (616) Bad night (6910) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.

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  (270): I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you. http://tfl.nu/x17f
  Replies (7) Good night (2098) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

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  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
  Replies (7) Good night (5687) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You smell like stripper and shame

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  (704): You smell like stripper and shame http://tfl.nu/7pqp
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

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  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (61) Good night (30529) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet

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  (248) I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet http://tfl.nu/r3zv
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

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  (303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w
  Replies (17) Good night (2552) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

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  (508): Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after http://tfl.nu/akdp
  Replies (50) Good night (4535) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.

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  (248): I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again. http://tfl.nu/4zrz
  Replies (2) Good night (4878) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???

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  (970): Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas??? http://tfl.nu/mb80
  Replies (32) Good night (5058) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

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  (773): It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out. http://tfl.nu/p4fr
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  (716): View more from New York

  dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

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  (716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (4976) Bad night (541)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

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  (859): I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn http://tfl.nu/q2bp
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"

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  (815): I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck" http://tfl.nu/5odg
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