If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
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