Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
babies were throwing up all over the place
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am puke
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.