Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.