I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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