I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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