A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.