I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
