we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.