Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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