I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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