I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.