Texts From Last Night

Hallidayy's Favorites Texts:

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

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  (815): she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her. http://tfl.nu/1rnx
  Replies (10) Good night (5879) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.

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  (917): I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear. http://tfl.nu/517j
  Replies (9) Good night (1250) Bad night (4271) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Best. Handjob. Ever.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm guessing Kelly is over?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Nope. Home alone.

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  (416): Best. Handjob. Ever. (905): I'm guessing Kelly is over? (416): Nope. Home alone. http://tfl.nu/vpw4
  Replies (20) Good night (5778) Bad night (2810)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

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  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22291) Bad night (1508)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

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  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5535) Bad night (1097)
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  (925): View more from California

  It smells like ranch

  (925): View more from California

  Must be all the white people

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  (925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw
  Replies (52) Good night (5369) Bad night (1769)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He violated my cat. I was not impressed.

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  (207): He violated my cat. I was not impressed. http://tfl.nu/2ip6
  Replies (22) Good night (817) Bad night (5639) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

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  (803): I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix http://tfl.nu/tcv4
  Replies (35) Good night (7278) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

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  (301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz
  Replies (26) Good night (6139) Bad night (1810) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

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  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
  Replies (25) Good night (5982) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.

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  (203): He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/g97t
  Replies (26) Good night (1584) Bad night (4856) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..

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  (630): Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.. http://tfl.nu/pq67
  Replies (7) Good night (3864) Bad night (1534)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

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  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11196) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

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  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3574) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.

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  (807): I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever. http://tfl.nu/8cfr
  Replies (23) Good night (5051) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
  Replies (39) Good night (5094) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.

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  (843): I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over. http://tfl.nu/mbe0
  Replies (9) Good night (3998) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

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  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (36) Good night (7150) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

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  (816): we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome http://tfl.nu/vmah
  Replies (77) Good night (6041) Bad night (1832) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

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  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5439) Bad night (1680) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was literally just a half conscious dildo.

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  (570): I was literally just a half conscious dildo. http://tfl.nu/oo11
  Replies (16) Good night (4324) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I think my vagina is haunted

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  (608): I think my vagina is haunted http://tfl.nu/mic0
  Replies (26) Good night (753) Bad night (3121) Order T-Shirt
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

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  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (101) Good night (3751) Bad night (66455) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7497) Bad night (72125)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

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  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3951) Bad night (78169)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

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  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4534) Bad night (79579) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

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  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4809) Bad night (101261)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168210) Bad night (42141) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142108) Bad night (9303) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127052) Bad night (2825) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112183) Bad night (9720) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90199) Bad night (3861) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100275) Bad night (5707)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85864) Bad night (3067) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  my sombrero is too big for the bathroom

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  (908): my sombrero is too big for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/okhq
  Replies (25) Good night (9145) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt