I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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