Texts From Last Night · LeXxXi's Favorites

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(416): View more from Toronto

He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

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(416): He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ http://tfl.nu/txmt

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(905): View more from Ontario

was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?

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(905): was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree? http://tfl.nu/357c

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(206): View more from Washington

It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to

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(206): It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to http://tfl.nu/3nm2

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(250): View more from British Columbia

How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

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(250): How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time? http://tfl.nu/zyvh

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(519): View more from Ontario

DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

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(519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw

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(305): View more from Florida

he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

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(305): he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink http://tfl.nu/w0ij

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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(617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q

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(940): View more from Texas

now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place

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(940): now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place http://tfl.nu/nwqq

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(214): View more from Texas

Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.

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(214): Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree. http://tfl.nu/bwsc

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(519): View more from Ontario

What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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(519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza

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(250): View more from British Columbia

you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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(250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic

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(516): View more from New York

There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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(516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.

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(484): I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting. http://tfl.nu/ejol

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(905): View more from Toronto

so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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(905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae

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(812): View more from Indiana

obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

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(812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn

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(954): View more from Florida

Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

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(954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y

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(616): View more from Michigan

Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

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(616): Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately? http://tfl.nu/0g6n

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(347): View more from New York

A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm

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(347): A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm http://tfl.nu/q9qn

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

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(918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6

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(631): View more from New York

lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

(1-631): View more from New York

wow.

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(631): lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon (1-631): wow. http://tfl.nu/6n98

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(386): View more from Florida

Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table

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(386): Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table http://tfl.nu/ca9t

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(312): View more from Illinois

Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

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(312): Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday http://tfl.nu/xsly

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(402): View more from Nebraska

i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one

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(402): i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one http://tfl.nu/cpp8

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(253): View more from Washington

The pine trees are waving at me.

(907): View more from Alaska

Put the pipe down honey.

(253): View more from Washington

Hi trees.

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(253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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(270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6

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(289): View more from Ontario

The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

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(289): The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight. http://tfl.nu/z22w

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(519): View more from Ontario

You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings

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(519): You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings http://tfl.nu/jmrv

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(907): View more from Alaska

I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

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(907): I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized. http://tfl.nu/0yaa

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(216): View more from Ohio

ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.

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(216): ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time. http://tfl.nu/5061

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(740): View more from Ohio

she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

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(740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8

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(406): View more from Montana

I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"

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(406): I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money" http://tfl.nu/7mg6

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma

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(402): Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma http://tfl.nu/lc92

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(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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(417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli

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(419): View more from Ohio

I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

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(419): I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/ussa

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(806): View more from Texas

That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.

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(806): That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car. http://tfl.nu/uk3l

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(519): View more from Ontario

Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"

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(519): Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake" http://tfl.nu/m7yz

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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(978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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(503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1

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(613): View more from Ontario

She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"

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(613): She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo" http://tfl.nu/ucwd

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(435): View more from Utah

this will be a night to untag.

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(435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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(413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt

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(315): View more from New York

My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

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(315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6

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(612): View more from Minnesota

And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

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(612): And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer. http://tfl.nu/cz4h

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(847): View more from Illinois

You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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(847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6

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(843): View more from South Carolina

happy early fathers day!!!

(829): View more from Dominican Rep

im not a father

(843): View more from South Carolina

about that...

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(843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z

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(919): View more from North Carolina

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl

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(404): View more from Georgia

It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

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(404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1

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