Texts From Last Night

IdRatherBeDrunk's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (4997) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8312) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault" http://tfl.nu/rtah
  Replies (7) Good night (4462) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer. http://tfl.nu/ud7u
  Replies (21) Good night (4123) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it http://tfl.nu/l3dc
  Replies (16) Good night (4396) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present. http://tfl.nu/aj43
  Replies (16) Good night (5336) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
  Replies (22) Good night (5763) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68149) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
  Replies (10) Good night (4492) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4315) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen. http://tfl.nu/06g9
  Replies (2) Good night (3759) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (26) Good night (5607) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6317) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (6648) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency. http://tfl.nu/gvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (5445) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (92) Good night (10615) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty" http://tfl.nu/dezg
  Replies (13) Good night (862) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship http://tfl.nu/kphu
  Replies (13) Good night (1573) Bad night (3502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We stopped her at 12

  (708): View more from Illinois

  12 shots? Or 12 midnight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Which answer would freak you out less

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We stopped her at 12 (708): 12 shots? Or 12 midnight? (630): Which answer would freak you out less http://tfl.nu/edb4
  Replies (5) Good night (5344) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (7702) Bad night (1971)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at... http://tfl.nu/sgdp
  Replies (44) Good night (539) Bad night (7079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name? http://tfl.nu/3ka4
  Replies (38) Good night (7467) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (926) Bad night (3381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/1c0i
  Replies (31) Good night (5304) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (14367) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk
  Replies (43) Good night (6471) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises. http://tfl.nu/ovsh
  Replies (11) Good night (4313) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule? http://tfl.nu/p75m
  Replies (13) Good night (4268) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/ofbb
  Replies (22) Good night (948) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (4797) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): At least my shower head will respect me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/vri5
  Replies (32) Good night (4582) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!" http://tfl.nu/halh
  Replies (7) Good night (1066) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5
  Replies (13) Good night (4352) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win http://tfl.nu/6ut9
  Replies (43) Good night (448) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  You drink too much

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  No, I drink just the right amount - too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): You drink too much (1-561): No, I drink just the right amount - too often. http://tfl.nu/1oor
  Replies (2) Good night (2577) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead. http://tfl.nu/olst
  Replies (39) Good night (5156) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5404) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  am i morally bankrupt?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  no. its just the recession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): am i morally bankrupt? (970): no. its just the recession http://tfl.nu/r26w
  Replies (5) Good night (2404) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover http://tfl.nu/k1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1197) Bad night (3836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (9508) Bad night (1319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors http://tfl.nu/o36o
  Replies (15) Good night (4432) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (4644) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover. http://tfl.nu/tbtl
  Replies (10) Good night (4766) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5098) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand. http://tfl.nu/sj9u
  Replies (31) Good night (8101) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15979) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Her vagina smelled like bad decisions http://tfl.nu/m5j1
  Replies (33) Good night (652) Bad night (7540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7501) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (50) Good night (17082) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17197) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16810) Bad night (607)