i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
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I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No subtext here. People are naked.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays